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User:Luckyd/Giant Hamsters (parody theory)

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Parody Alert!
This article's subject matter is parodical and non-canon in nature (but distinct from hoax and serious fanon material)
This material is generally fan-created, but occasionally from official or commercial sources.

Have you ever seen a smoke monster dig a hole?

Smoke couldn't do this to a man.

The Hamster overlord

Details

The "Giant Hamsters" run the island out of their underground lair.

Pros

In "The Man from Tallahassee" Ben says "We have two big hamsters running around in this giant wheel in our secret underground lair." in response to Locke asking him how the others get their electricity.
Ben does not lie
In "The Man from Tallahassee" there is a portrait on the wall of Ben's lounge that shows an unidentified woman holding what looks like a Hamster.
In the pilot episode of Season 1 the pilot is found dead in a tree, mutilated.
Smoke does not mutilate people, unlike Giant Hamsters.
The polar bears were brought to the island to feed the Hamsters, who have carnivorous appetites.
In "Exodus, Part 2" Locke is dragged down into a really deep hole. This hole was dug by the hamsters as a way to get to the surface from their underground lair.
Explains how the others get their electricity.
Explains how the hatch was dug (by the hamsters).
Ben brought the Black Rock to the island as a toy for the hamsters, but since he had only ever had fish as pets he didn't know what hamsters liked.
Desmond's key unlocked the one of the hamster cages, which let the hamster out. Since only half of the required power

was being produced after this communication with the outside world was lost.

Explains animal sounds, because the hamster picks up stray animals in it's 50 foot mouth. The sounds being heard when the smoke monster shows up is just a big coincidence, not fate (definitely not fate).
It is possible to explain how the hamsters are connected to the numbers, but it is so complicated that your brain would probably explode.
Theres no evidence to disprove that there are no Giant Hamsters. Therefore there must be aleast 2 hamsters, possibly more and ben has been known to be "liberal" with the truth.
The Hamsters shot down Flight 815 with there Hamster vision, which has been know to spilt ships in half. (See the black rock)